Last night I had the strangest dream…

I woke up (in my dream) and I had Jessica Simpson’s body. All my focus was on her boobs. But they weren’t like her boobs in real life. As big as they are, in my dream they were like giant porn star big. Somehow I understood the terms of this exchange were that I would only have them for one day. The first thing I noticed was that there were two scars underneath them. Ah-hah, so she did have surgery!! Don’t worry Jess, your secret is safe with me. Hmmm… maybe that was why they were so insanely large. Anyway, of course I had to grab one. Ouch! Still sore from the surgery I presume? Also I could feel the implant. Which is odd because I’ve never actually grabbed a fake boob. Any volunteers??

My first mission was to show them off, but I couldn’t find anyone!! No one at all to show and brag, because after all, these were Jessica Simpson’s actual boobs. It doesn’t get any better than that. Which also makes me wonder, does that mean she woke up in a dream with my boobs? Because that would be a shocker.

Anyway, I ran around trying to find someone to show and not being able to find anyone. I hate wasting time in dreams. Many times I have lucid dreams, basically I know I’m dreaming and have the ability to control things. Not this time. It felt real and I was at full mercy of my dream demons. There was so much I could have done if I was in control last night. First off, I’d be like, “oh well, no one’s here, I’ll just have fun by myself.” Then I would put on some daisy dukes, or a bikini, or just sit down and enjoy my flat abs. Then I’d rock out and sing. Wait, I don’t know if that would work, because I wasn’t actually her. But I was so hot it really wouldn’t matter if I sounded good or not. Besides, no one was there anyway, remember?

I’m not sure if I woke up from the dream or if it just abruptly ended, but I never got to show off my Jessica Simpson boobs. Oh, and to make the dream even more strange, it took place in my childhood home. If anyone would like to analyze the meaning of this dream for me, please leave your comments.